"If I ever see you again, you better be wearin' a CUP!!!" - Eddie Van Halen to Dave Roth, 1996

Latest Posts In The DLRarmy Discussion Forums [an error occurred while processing this directive]

Currently Browsing the DLRArmy forums: [an error occurred while processing this directive]

Author Topic:   David Lee Roth offers "condolences" to Edward Van Halen and his "Cancer" | Dave's tongue-in-cheek response proves that Ed doesn't have Cancer for Chrissakes !!! hitch1969 webmaster Posts: 21 From:windsor, co, usa Registered: Dec 2000 posted Sunday April 29, 2001 3:49 PM     Friday morning, David Lee Roth IMMEDIATELY responded to Edward Van Halen's "disclosure" that he has cancer. It was sarcastic and along the lines of "pick your lie, Edward":   A MESSAGE FROM DAVID LEE ROTH. [27 APRIL 2001] The following is a message from David Lee Roth to you, the fans, and to Edward Van Halen, in response to last evening's statement released by Edward: "I was stunned this morning to learn Eddie Van Halen has cancer. My condolences. You can whip this champ. See ya down the road, D."   I have started a discussion thread at the David Lee Roth forums expounding upon WHY I have concluded that Edward Van Halen doesn't have cancer and this is all a PR gimmick. If you read all three pages, I think you'll agree that it is hard to deny that Edward Van Halen has something up his sleeve. READ IT HERE. Apparently Dave thought so too. C'mon, anyone on planet Earth over the last year has heard this rumor. Dave is "stunned to learn" it? Now, go back and read Edward's statement applying the idea that he does NOT have cancer. Statement still make sense? Sure it does. It's the way these LYING DUTCHMAN operate- wordplay. "Ed Speaks Out About Health" and "Ed Speaks About Cancer" are NOT the same as "HIS Health" or "HIS cancer". It's like in '96 when everyone in the world thought Dave was in the band. Why not? They record with him after 11 years and show up with him at the MTV awards. Stupid us! "We never TOLD Dave he was back in the band, we just kept saying 'baby steps'." Well, Eddie Van Halen never TOLD anyone he had cancer. Hell, I'm beating cancer and hope to be cancer free very soon... You can be cancer free and beating cancer. I'm happy for Ed, glad that's he's ok. But he's letting everyone think he's sick, going through chemo, what have you, AND IT'S BULLSHIT. The truth is that over a year ago he had a benign growth removed and went through a cancer prevention program. NEVER diagnosed with cancer. The doctors in Houston confirmed that Friday in a report on mtv.com: Last May, a spokesperson for M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston denied reports that Van Halen had cancer, but said the guitarist was being treated in a cancer prevention program at the hospital (see "UPDATE: Van Halen Cancer Report Clarified"). The spokesperson, Jane Brust, said Friday that Van Halen continued that program over the last year, but hasn't been at the cancer center for several months. Doctors at that hospital have never diagnosed him with cancer, Brust said. What burns my fucking ass is that all these self-important idiots around the internet are starting "Get Well Eddie" discussions and going on about how hard it must be to record an album when you're going through Chemo and all that. It's all a bunch of bullshit designed by Edward VH to make Roth look like an asshole and justify over A YEAR OF SITTING ON HIS LAZY ASS through indecision and inability to accept the reality that Warner Brothers Records owns his ass after all the money they lost on Van Halen III and he's gonna HAVE to work with Dave. It's such a shame the the greatest guitarist in the world is so mentally fucked up that he can't just do what he does best. We haven't had new music in almost 4 years from Van Halen. They are obviously at a stalemate of sorts with Roth right now, so this year's probably out of the question for new music. Make that 5 years no music... In other "news", Ed's lovely wife Valerie laid the biggest piece of wet sloppy crap on the media Thursday in an interview for her new TV show, not only contradicting Ed's health claims, but also years of anti-Roth sentiment she has been spewing from that diaharretic mouth of hers: What's Going On Here? April 26, 2001 - Just when you thought the whole Van Halen soap opera couldn't get more bizarre, everything changes again! This morning, Valerie Bertinelli (Edward Van Halen's wife) appeared on several morning radio shows to promote her new acting role in the CBS series Touched By An Angel. Some key snippets from the interviews relating to Van Halen: Eddie's health is "great". Valerie prefers the "Van Roth" era of Van Halen, and said she's "a big David Lee Roth fan". Eddie and the band are waiting for Dave to contact them. Everyone in the VH camp is fine and ready to go on tour. Valerie called in to the following stations: KZOK Seattle with Robin and Maynard, WRQX in Washington DC with Jack Diamond, WRIF Detroit with Drew and Mike, WRBQ in Tampa. Eddie's health is "great"? You bet it is, Yoko. (She must visit hitchworld- she obviously trusts the brilliant hitchBRAIN!!!) "hitchWORLD1969: As Endorsed by Valerie Van Halen!!!"- my new slogan!!! "Van Roth" is not a name I recognize. "Van Hagar", yes. She's a fan??? OF DAVE??? How fuckin' stupid does she think we are? Jesus. Ed and her must sit around and figure out how to tell the most dramatic off-the-wall lies you've ever heard. These two are crazy and are enabling each other's mental illness. I think they should get a divorce, READ ABOUT IT HERE in the hitchworld forums. They are "waiting for Dave" to contact them??? Wasn't Dave over there last summer writing 3 astonishing tunes? What ended that? Perhaps MAYBE THE FACT that Edward is demanding that Dave sing VAN HAGAR songs- something I've told you since day one was a DEAL BREAKER for Roth. He'll never do it, and shouldn't. Ahhh... but then Ed's sick with cancer...that nasty Dave Roth is sooo inconsiderate. HEY, I DONT CARE IF HE ACTUALLY DOES HAVE ORAL CANCER AT THIS POINT!!! He can still play fucking guitar!!! It's not like they're claiming that Ed has CANCER OF THE FUCKING FINGERS!!! That, I'd understand and excuse.  Get to work, boys. You've wasted enough time with this BULLSHIT. Do it now, goddammit!!! You wanna be remembered as great musicians or the crazy guitarist who cried cancer and didn't have it. The reality is that if any of us get cancer, we still gotta get up and go to work. Ed doesn't even have it- never had, and thanks to a year of wasted time and excuses of "prevention treatment"- never will. Gosh, if we could all be so lucky. Until the next update, take care of yourselves...and each other. -hitch

Author Topic:   Eddie Van Halen MYSTERIOUSLY has cancer again. (calling Fox Mulder, the REAL cancer man is out there...) | I'm 1 for 1 in the prediction department about Ed Van Halen, read on for my NEWEST prediction that will come true. Always trust the brilliant hitchBRAIN!!! hitch1969 webmaster Posts: 20 From:windsor, co, usa Registered: Dec 2000 posted Thursday April 26, 2001 11:55 PM     This evening, the world's greatest rock and roll guitarist, Edward Van Halen, finally spoke publicly about his "cancer" in a statement posted at Van Halen dot com:   PD Forums : VH News & Announcements : Eddie Speaks Out About Health Author Topic:   Eddie Speaks Out About Health Bradman Godfather Posts: 1250 From:California Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 26, 2001 07:18 PM [4/26/01]:"I'm sorry for having waited so long to address this issue personally. But, cancer can be a very unique and private matter to deal with. So, I think it's about time to tell you where I'm at." "I was examined by three oncologists and three head & neck surgeons at Cedars Sinai just before spring break and I was told that I'm healthier than ever and beating cancer." "Although it's hard to say when, there's a good chance I will be cancer free in the near future. I just want to thank all of you for your concern and support. Love, Eddie" ------------------ Brad The Official Van Halen Web Site http://www.van-halen.com/           -and how for the "official" hitchworld response: "I hate to be the asshole here, but Jesus Christ, first he says he has it, then he denies it, now he fucking has it again? I think Ed's psychological problems are greater than any physical problems. I mean FUCK, doctors from that cancer place in Houston said he didn't have any cancer. Who's lying? Ed or fucking cancer specialist doctors. I smell a rat. This is bullshit. I say Ed Van Halen has no cancer, goddammit, I hate to play into the DLRJustice angle here but you gotta admit those guys are right to a degree about Ed playing this for sympathy cause everyone's backing Dave. I mean WHY WHY WHY with the fucking timing, Ed. One fucking week after Dave starts an internet shitstorm and even people at the official site are saying it's over and bagging on the brothers... EXACTLY one week ago at hitchworld, I posted Dave's message and GUARANTEED that the Van Halen's would bring up Ed's cancer. Well, they didn't last week BUT HERE THEY ARE A WEEK LATER. ALL TO MAKE DAVE LOOK LIKE AN INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE and gain sympathy for the Van Halens. Goddammit even if what Ed says is true, HOW ABOUT TELLING US A FUCKING YEAR AGO WHEN WE WERE ALL WORRIED (for about 2 days until the fucking hospital said it was a hoax). Jesus Christ I AM PISSED OFF MAN This is fucking bullshit man, and I'm fucking sick of Eddie Van Halen's fucking bullshit games!!! That's it. I'm fucking done with Van Halen forever. That guy aint got no fucking cancer man. -hitch" I told you so I TOLD YOU SO!!!! Alot of people are not going to understand this position I take but a fucking fraud is a fucking fraud. Those doctors had a press conference last year, Ed was too chickenshit to address the rumors and the doctors said, and I FUCKING QUOTE: "A spokesperson at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Clinic in Houston, Texas, confirmed to MTV News that Eddie Van Halen is a patient at the clinic, but said that the guitarist does not have cancer. Spokesperson Jane Brust told MTV News that Van Halen is currently participating in a clinical trial to prevent cancer. Brust declined to reveal what area of the body is the focus of the treatment. While Brust declined to disclose specifics, she did state that in order to desire such treatment or be eligible for it, a patient would have to have had a specific concern or an elevated risk of the disease. Brust also denied media reports that say the guitarist had undergone surgery at the clinic." That was on May 30th 2000. This is SUCH FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!  I've got ANOTHER PREDICTION from the brilliant hitchBRAIN...As of 1:22 a.m. MST Friday April 27, 2001, I say that later today (end of business Friday), or within the next few days, Eddie Van Halen will CLARIFY again that he DOES NOT HAVE CANCER, that we just MISREAD his fucking statement like we did last time, and the band "continues to work in the studio" and all that shit. That's right, all you FUCKING MORONS starting "Get Well Eddie" Threads across the internet are gonna be feeling like assholes again, just like last year for 4 days when you did THE SAME FUCKING THING when you read on May 26, 2000: "The M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas, has confirmed to MTV News that Van Halen guitarist Eddie Van Halen is undergoing treatment at the facility. The Center has declined to release further details, but sources close to Van Halen have told MTV News that the guitarist has cancer of the tongue. Van Halen is said to have started a twelve-week outpatient program on Thursday in Houston, Texas, and that he has already had surgery to remove a portion of the ailing organ." hitch out.

Author Topic:   Van Halen responds!!!    (I told you so, sorta kinda...) | This fucking sucks!!! hitch1969 webmaster Posts: 19 From:windsor, co, usa Registered: Dec 2000 posted Saturday April 21, 2001 8:00 PM     David Lee Roth's statement was met with a brief response from the band Friday at the official Van Halen website:   Author Topic:   Message From the Band Bradman Godfather Posts: 1199 From:California Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 20, 2001 12:15 PM [4/20/01]: "We're aware of all the rumors, and rumors are just that. We are continuing to work in the studio creating music for our next record. For any updates, come here to our website first. We'll stay in touch." - Edward, Alex and Mike. ------------------ Brad The Official Van Halen Web Site http://www.van-halen.com/           Fucking Brad. What a dildo.  He is "the Great Satan" of the internet. I will personally blame HIM if Reunification falls apart. I guess I should be a little bit grateful to him and the Van Halen brothers for being so goddamned predictable, uh, I was able to deliver on my forecast and shall not be blowing any faggots any time soon. This isn't really BAD NEWS, though. Basically the band is telling Dave (and the fans) to fuck off. Reaction around the various Van Halen discussion boards has been very negative. People are giving up any hope of a VH/Roth reunion. Not me, though. If Eddie Van Halen really had a fucking choice, this statement would have been more along the lines of "Dave's not coming back". I think Ed and Al are putting off the inevitable as long as they can, and hate how Dave rubbed their noses in their own shit.  On a personal note, the fucking DMV has suspended my license again for non-payment of child support. This time I'm not gonna fight it. Fuck that, and I am NEVER paying that fucking hosebag I was married to A FUCKING DIME. So be it. I'm gonna quit my fucking job and go live at a goddamned homeless shelter and get drunk all day. I told you that Friday was gonna be a fucked up day at hitchworld, what with it being the Columbine anniversary and Hitler's birthday and all... -h69

Author Topic:   David Lee Roth ends over one year of silence and address the Van Halen rumors!!!    (The Van Halen Reunion ain't lookin' too good) | Also: my prediction for tomorrow!!! (aka: How Van Halen will respond by end of business today) hitch1969 webmaster Posts: 18 From:windsor, co, usa Registered: Dec 2000 posted Thursday April 19, 2001 11:50 PM     David Lee Roth finally ended the "official" silence today and addressed rumors on his return to Van Halen. In a short message posted at his website, Dave said the following: "Hey this is David Lee Roth and I promised you the news and here's the news. About a year ago myself and the great Van Halen band played together once or twice and it sounded amazing! In the following several months Edward and I, Edward Van Halen and me, David Lee Roth, created some of the most amazing, phenomenal - the hands fell off the clock ladies and gentleman and we wrote three astonishing tunes. That was last July and since then I haven't been up to the studio, we haven't really been in touch and we haven't made any music, but I am holding forth, I'm in the shape of my life and I got the high note- I'm ready to go. And I am positive for the future ladies and gentleman. Stay tuned and I'll tell you what the future brings, right here on DavidLeeRoth.com, brought to you by Slawterhouse - makers of fine home family entertainment here on the net for what seems like a million years." You can HEAR this statement by clicking this link: .RM stream  (Requires Real Media Player) This is a VERY BAD SIGN. I mean even if it hadn't fallen on the 8th anniversary of the Waco Davidian Massacre and the 6th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, it still wouldn't look good. If it were as simple as this, Dave could have made this statement any time before now. He is obviously trying to force the Van Halen brothers hand. I hope it doesn't blow up in his face (but knowing those idiot Van Halen brothers, it probably will). This has got to have pissed them off. Perhaps they were planning on using just the 3 songs for a box set of BEST OF VOL 2 cd? It's starting to feel like October 1996 again. Dave's open letter... Then Van Halen's open response. Jesus I hope those guys need the fucking money so goddamned bad that they have to just announce Dave as the singer. But it ain't gonna happen. HITCHWORLD EXCLUSIVE: I, hitch1969 make the following forecast as of 2:18am MST, Friday, April 20, 2001: Remember that this is the 2nd anniversary of the fucking Columbine shootings, so don't hope for anything great. I say the Van Halen boys will issue at statement, end of the day (read: end of week), that chides Dave for implying ANYTHING, that they are still looking for a singer, and I think they're gonna throw it ALL back on Dave for being an inconsiderate asshole about Ed's cancer. I'm so goddamned sure of it, I'd bet high stakes: If I am wrong on the end of business Friday afternoon, I will blow a fucking faggot with full-blown AIDS and I will swallow. Look for the hitchworld update and "I told you so" early saturday morning. LATER!!! -h69

Author Topic:   hitchWORLD1969 has ARISEN!!!             |  hitch1969 webmaster Posts: 17 From:windsor, co, usa Registered: Dec 2000 posted April 15, 2001 01:50 PM  (Easter Sunday 2001)    ...well, and so begins the dawn of a new era here at hitchworld...HITCHWORLD version 3. We've been down since around the end of March, largely in part due to 3rd party asshole's efforts to censor the hitchWORLD1969 for comments I made about him earlier that month. Saddam Hussein had taken over this holy land, vowing that, yes, the hitchman could change. (Relax Guy!!!) On this holiest of days, hitchWORLD1969 and the brilliant hitchman arise from the dead!!! I have reclaimed this home from Saddam, and relaunched it with a new look and a new attitude! For those of you who haven't followed the David Lee Roth Army discussion forums, I must inform you that I am preaching a new platform of love, tolerance, and acceptance. The nasty and negative hitch1969 was crucified on Good Friday as he found the love of the sweet and pure Gwyneth69. She posts with a sexy pink font and writes the hitchman poetry: Oh Hitch, Hitch I'll be yo bitch But only if you change your ways Give up hoes and bashing gays! Oh hitch side-kick, mini me You're so negative, can't you see Hitch has learned a new way of life Ever since I became his wife (common-law that is). Eggs and candy up his ass? Oh, don't be so working class If you want back in the FAMILY You owe hitch a big apology So what if he thinks with his dick This is the first time he's been love-sick So give him a break and leave him alone Go hang in the Romper Room, where there's lots of testosterone. __________________ Eat me and I'll Smile. A quote by Me   Great poem, gwenny! The new hitch1969 promises that he will let the "hitch side-kick", a mini-me who bills himself as "a mini version of Hitch for those who can't handle the whole thing", handle all of the name calling and negativism that was so easily associated with the brilliant hitchBRAIN!!! My true love Gwyneth69 has helped hitch1969 rise back into power and has taken the anger. With the hitch side-kick at our feet like an attack dog, our dysfunctional hitchFAMILY is complete. It is my hope that we can all be happy, get along, and be good to each other for the sake of those we love. To mine enemies, I shalt act according to the teachings of JC and hitch1969 and turn the other cheek. God bless you all and God bless hitchWORLD1969... BEST!!  h69

Sponsored By DLRArmy.com

| The Official David Lee Roth site|